I Remember Everything
by coffeeshopcynic
Summary: My tweaking of what happened after the book signing in "Rise"


**A/N: ****This is what _could_ have happened in Rise after the book signing. (Okay it couldn't have but a girl can dream right?)**

**I dedicate this one-shot to socutherthehelldown and bamsaidthelady41915.**

**~Rose**

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><p>"Castle wait," Kate called out as he passed her outside the book signing.<p>

"I did. Three months. You never called," he replied coolly.

"Look I know you're angry," she said, catching up to him.

"You're damn right I'm angry," Castle replied turning to look at her, fire burning in his eyes. "I watched you die in that ambulance," he told her as she just stared at him. "Did you know that? Do you know what that's like; watching the life drain out of someone you," _love, _he finished silently, "Someone you care about."

"I told you I needed some time," she responded quickly.

"You said a few days."

"Well I needed more," she added stubbornly.

"Well you should have said that," he told her turning to walk away.

" Castle, look, I couldn't call you," she pleaded, walking after him. He turned back again to face her angrily and she continued, "Not without dragging myself though everything I was just trying to get some space from. I needed some time to just work through everything."

"Did Josh help you with that?" he asked coolly.

"We broke up," she admitted.

"Did you ignore him for three months too?" Castle snapped.

"That's not fair Rick," Kate said with fire in her eyes.

"Fair!" he practically laughed, "You want to talk about not fair? Is it fair that you push me away and try to shut me out yet you expect me to keep coming back for more?" Castle was practically yelling by this point and Kate was slightly stunned.

"Rick," she nearly pleaded when the write started walking away again.

"Enough Kate! I'm done!" Castle said coldly. She reached for his arm but he pulled away and stormed off.

She stood there for a moment; alone in the street—even though she was surrounded by people. The copy of _Heat Rises_ seemed to be mocking her. She threw it down on the ground and stormed off herself.

* * *

><p>"We still need those files Beckett," Ryan told Kate back in the precinct.<p>

"I know," she huffed, "You better go get them from Castle."

"No way Beckett," Ryan told her while glancing at Esposito.

"Yeah Beckett," Esposito added, "You have to get yourself out of this mess with Castle."

"I need those goddamn files Esposito!" Kate argued.

"You want those files Kate; you're gonna have to talk to Castle yourself," Ryan said using Beckett's first name—which he rarely ever did.

"Fine!" she huffed. "Now you two better get back to work before Gates figures out what we're doing."

"Yes boss," Esposito answered, pissed off now. He slumped back down at his desk and motioned for Ryan to do the same.

Beckett let out a sound of frustration as she bowed out of the precinct.

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><p>Rick heard a pounding on his door followed by an "Open up Castle!" He had been attempting to write again since his daughter and mother were out shopping, but the process wasn't going too well. Gina had been on his back to get more done but he wasn't overly happy with the character of Nikki Heat—or her inspiration—at the moment.<p>

He grudgingly answered the door and angrily stared at the female detective on the other side.

"What do you want Detective?" he asked, poison present in his voice.

"I need those bank files Castle," Beckett answered looking determined to get what she wanted.

"Oh so naturally now that you want something you come crawling back and expect me to bend over backwards to do what you want?" the writer spat.

Kate had never seen Castle so angry before and it honestly scared her. She decided not to confront what he was saying, and took a safer approach. "You know how much I need those files Rick," she said, putting venom in her voice when she said his name, "This is my mother's murder we're talking about!"

"No Kate, it isn't! It stopped being about your mother a long time ago, you're just too stubborn to admit it. You absorb yourself in it because you feel like you are nothing without it!" Castle yelled.

"You think that's why I'm so adamant about finding the asshole behind all this? Because I'm _nothing_ without it?" she snapped, pushing past him in the doorway. "Is that what you think of me?" she asked. She knew she wasn't being fair, but sometimes this man frustrated her to the point of saying things she would regret later.

"No Kate it isn't! _You _are the one who thinks that! I just don't think you should throw away your own life!" he said, raising his voice even higher as he took a step away from the brunette detective.

"I'm not throwing anything away Castle!" she spat back at him.

"Really?" he asked cruelly getting closer to her again. "Then why the hell did I have to watch the life drain out of you in that graveyard? You were dying in my arms Kate! Just because you don't remember anything from the shooting doesn't mean I don't remember every little detail of it! How pale you were, you're blood all over my hands, your heart beat getting fainter and fainter!"

"I lied Castle," Kate admitted, her voice getting softer now, "I remember everything."

The rage in Castle's face hardened and escalated. He practically seethed with his next words, "why did you tell me you didn't?"

"Maybe I didn't want to remember!" she spat out—yelling again.

"Didn't want to remember me trying to push you out of the way and failing or didn't want to remember almost dying in my arms while I told you I love you?"

He had gradually gotten closer and closer to her and they were now standing only inches away from each other.

"I didn't want to remember that you would risk your life for me," she said quietly. "I didn't want to remember that even though I was inches from death in your arms I was happier than you can even imagine when you told me you loved me." Tears were welling up in her eyes now and Castle's expression softened. "I love you Rick," she said cupping his cheek with her palm, "but I was afraid I would lose you like my mom, Mike, and Roy. How am I supposed to do my job if I'm constantly more worried about you than I already am? How am I—" he cut her off by placing his lips over hers and pulling her closer.

He didn't know what any of this meant for them. He didn't know why his anger had diminished. He didn't know how any of this would work out. All he knew was he loved Katherine Beckett and he loved kissing her.

When they broke away from the passionate kisses Kate looked at Rick and whispered, "Now what?'

"I don't know," he replied, "but we'll figure it out somehow."

"Yes we will," she agreed before placing her mouth back on his.

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><p><strong>AN: So this oneshot was inspired by a post on the castleconfessions blog on Tumblr (the post was "I want Castle and Beckett to have a huge fight, I want them to yell and then kiss each other fiercely")**


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